The Weakest Link HP STYLE
by Lita Jolie
Summary: This is just a spoof of the TV show The Weakest Link with Harry Potter characters.
1. Part I

The Weakest Link HP Style  
  
By, Lita Jolie  
  
This is the weakest link hp style the contestants on the weakest link are, Hermione, Harry, Ron  
  
Draco, Hagrid, Voldemort, and a strange man named Larry Bo Jackson. Enjoy!  
  
Ann: Welcome to the Weakest Link! And finally we have a British cast! And since we know everyone here, we don't have to introduce everyone. Hey who are you? Oh yes. Larry Bo Jackson! What's up dogg? Anyway Let's play the Weakest Link! Hagrid since you are in the first position you will go first. Start the clock! Hagrid what is the name of the school for witchcraft and wizardry?  
  
Hagrid: Oh, shit I should know this..  
  
Ann: Wrong, Hogwarts. Hermione what is the name of the game played with a basketball?  
  
Hermione: Um.. let me think for a sec--  
  
Ann: No, Basketball. Draco, what is the color of crayon mold?  
  
Draco: I don't know!  
  
Ann: Neither do I. Harry, What is the time?  
  
Harry: Time for you to get a watch!  
  
Ann: Correct! Ron, what is the name of this show?  
  
Ron: Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?!  
  
Ann: Wrong! Larry Bo Jackson.....  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: BANK!  
  
Ann: There is nothing to bank! Grr!! Oh I will just skip you! Voldie, why did the chicken cross the road?  
  
Voldie: Because he wanted to kill his mother!  
  
Ann: WRONG!  
  
*the sound that the end of the round was over rang*  
  
Ann: You people are pathetic! You banked ZERO! ZILCH! ZIP!!!! Now it is time to vote off the weakest link!  
  
TO BE CONTINUED! 


	2. Part II

Weakest Link HP Style II  
  
Ann: Welcome back to the Weakest Link! Now it is time to reveal who you think is the weakest link.  
  
Hagrid: (reading vote) Larry Bo Jackson.  
  
Hermione: Hagrid.  
  
Draco: Hagrid.  
  
Harry: Hagrid  
  
Ron: Larry Bo Jackson.  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: Myself.  
  
Voldie: Draco  
  
Ann: We have a tie peoples! Harry as the strongest link from the last round you get to pick who leaves.  
  
Harry: Well, Hagrid didn't know what the name of our mo'fuckin' skoo was..  
  
Ann: Get on with it!  
  
Harry: Okay I am voting off Hagrid.  
  
Ann: Hagrid you are the weakest link goodbye!  
  
(Hagrid backstage after getting voted off): I really think I had a good chance at winning! It wasn't my fault I got stage fright and couldn't remember the name of the school that I was expelled from!  
  
*************  
  
Ann: Next round! Harry as the strongest link from the last round you will go first. Let's play the weakest link! Start the clock! Harry how many fingers are on the human hand?  
  
*Harry looks down at his hand*   
  
Harry: 1, 2, 3, 4.. four!  
  
Ann: Wrong!   
  
Harry: Yes! It is four!   
  
Ann: You forgot to count your thumb, you motherfucker.  
  
Harry: They don't call it a thumb finger!  
  
Ann: Fuck you. Larry Bo Jackson how many big black dots are on your skin?  
  
*Larry Bo Jackson looks down at his skin*  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: I don't see any!  
  
Ann: I know that is because you are stupid! Voldie what is your full name?  
  
Voldie: I can't say!  
  
Ann: Well too bad because your full name is....  
  
Voldie: NO!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ann: Voldemort!  
  
Voldie: You stupid bitch.  
  
*the bell rang that the end of the round was over*  
  
Ann: That is the end of round two! You peoples didn't bank anything! Denadda!  
  
Ann: We will vote off the next person after this commercial break! 


	3. Part III

Weakest Link HP Style Part III  
  
By, Lita Jolie  
  
Ann: Welcome back to the weakest link! Now it is time to reveal who you think is the weakest link.  
  
Hermione: (reading off vote) Larry Bo Jackson.  
  
Draco: Harry.  
  
Harry: Draco.  
  
Ron: Draco.  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: Kid Rock.  
  
Voldie: Larry Bo Jackson.  
  
Ann: You stupid people have a tie again. Harry as the strongest link from the last round you will pick who gets voted off.  
  
Harry: Draco.  
  
Ann: Larry Bo Jackson why have you voted for Kid Rock WHEN HE'S NOT EVEN HERE!!  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: Well I couldn't decide!  
  
Ann: Anyway, Draco you are the weakest link! Goodbye!  
  
(Draco backstage talking about the show after he got voted off): I can't understand it! They voted me off, I mean I'm just so sexy, you know? How could they? Oh, Harry you just wait, wait until you wake up and find a cow in your closet!  
  
  
  
*****************************  
  
Ann: Now Harry as the strongest link from the last round you will go first. Let's play the weakest link! Start the clock. Harry what is the name of the game played with a golden snitch?  
  
Harry: I think it's... no it isn't... yes it is Quidditch!  
  
Ann: Correct. Ron why is your name Ron?  
  
Ron: Because it just is!  
  
Ann: RIGHT!   
  
Larry Bo Jackson: BANK!  
  
Ann: Larry Bo Jackson who is my mother?  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: I don't know it is none of my business!  
  
Ann: Correct! Voldie.....  
  
Voldie: BANK! BANK I SAY BANK!!  
  
Ann: okay, okay you banked.  
  
Then the round was over.  
  
Ann: Well you banked a pathetic 300$. Now it is time to vote off the weakest link. 


	4. Part IV

Weakest Link HP Style Part IV  
  
Ann: Welcome back to the weakest link! Now it is time to reveal who you think is the weakest link!  
  
Hermione: Voldie.  
  
Harry: LARRY BO JACKSON!!!!!!  
  
Ron: Voldie.  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: Sydney, Australia.  
  
Voldie: Larry Bo Jackson.  
  
Ann: Why do you buttheads always have a tie?! Well I don't know who the strongest link was so Voldie you pick.  
  
Voldie: I will change my answer to myself.  
  
Ann: YOU CAN'T DO THAT!  
  
Voldie: DO YOU WANT ME TO BLOW UP!!! RIGHT ON YOUR SHOW?! I DIDN'T THINK SO!  
  
Ann: Okay, okay! Don't go all egg roll on me! And Larry Bo Jackson, why do you always vote for the people who aren't here? That is a place not a person! Anyway, Voldie you are the weakest link! GOODBYE.  
  
Voldie: Why do the evil guys always go first?!  
  
(Voldie backstage talking about the show): It's that dumb Ann's fault that I got voted off!  
  
*****************************  
  
Ann: Round four peoples! Larry Bo Jackson you will go first because I didn't keep track of who was the strongest link! Start the clock! Larry what color pants are you wearing?  
  
Larry: I don't know I'm color-blind!  
  
Ann: Too bad! Hermione what is 0 + 0=?  
  
Hermione: Zero.  
  
Ann: SHUT UP!!! Harry what is my full name?  
  
Harry: Wisenheimer.  
  
Ann: Uh, no. Ron what is the square root of 100?  
  
Ron: I don't know!  
  
Ann: Wrong, I would work out the problem, but ya know!  
  
Ann: Time is up! Now it is time to reveal who you think is the weakest link! 


	5. Part V

Weakest Link HP Style Part V  
  
Ann: Well, we're back finally! Now it's time to reveal who you think is the weakest link.  
  
Harry: Once again Larry Bo Jackson.. Dude.  
  
Hermione: Harry.  
  
Ron: Hermione.  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: Um..  
  
Ann: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! DON'T VOTE OFF SOMEONE WHO ISN'T HERE!  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: OK. I am voting off you, Ann.  
  
Ann: (sighs in disgust) Larry, I hate you.  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: I hate you, too.  
  
Ann: Well, you guys have a tie.. AGAIN. And I say that you vote off Larry! So leave!  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: No. Get rid of the dude that has the lighting bolt through his head.  
  
Ann: HARRY.. LEAVE!  
  
Harry: Ok, bye.  
  
(Harry backstage): *looks bewildered* The big fat man in the speedo.. he will kill us all!  
  
Ann: Round 5! Ok start the clock! Hermione, what is your middle name?  
  
Hermione: Um.. I sorta forgot!!!  
  
Ann: I figured! Ron, what is your mamma's name?  
  
Ron: MRS.!!!  
  
Ann: Well, I sure don't know so I'll take your word for it. Larry, how many veins do you have?  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: Well.. if you really want me to count..  
  
Ann: NO! Hermione, what is the national anthem for muggles in America called?  
  
Hermione: um... Dude Where Is My Car?!!!!  
  
Ann: Hey! I saw that movie and it was da bomb! So you're right! Ron, what is the color of my socks?  
  
Ron: You aren't wearing any!  
  
Ann: CORRECTO!!!  
  
Ron: I am Coolio Magnificent!  
  
Ann: Yeah, uh huh. Well the time is up! Now it is time to vote off the weakest link! 


	6. Part VI

Weakest Link HP Style Part VI  
  
Ann: Ok peoples! Now it is time to reveal who you think is the weakest link.  
  
Ron: Hermione.  
  
Hermione: OK! WAIT A SECOND! I AM VERY SMART COMPARED TO THIS LARRY DUDE! AND YOU VOTE OFF ME?! I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU RON! By the way I am voting off Larry Dude.  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: Regis and Kelly.  
  
Ann: Peoples, we always have a tie, we always vote off stupid people, and non of the smart! Or something like that.  
  
Err.. Hermione leave.  
  
Hermione: You can't do that. I refuse!  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: Hey now! I know that we can all be in a bad position at this point, but now, we  
  
must realize, that out of all of us, we all deserve to leave.   
  
Hermione: Larry, why don't you leave?  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: Cuz.  
  
Hermione: Err..  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: Fine then, I change my vote to Hermione!  
  
*Ann gets on the ground and gets into praying position*  
  
Ann: Thank you Lord, now, finally, he voted off someone who is here! *gets up* Hermione  
  
you are the weakest link! Goodbye!  
  
(Hermione backstage): I really thought I could've won! I am the smartest out of those wizards, and Larry Bo Jackson, he isn't even a wizard! He's a drug smuggler! I really could've used the money too, to get started on my porn career!  
  
***************  
  
Ann: Next round peoples! Ron you will go first this time. Start the clock! Ron, Gimme a J!  
  
Ron: J!   
  
Ann: What does that spell?  
  
Ron: J!  
  
Ann: Correct. Larry Bo Jackson and Ron, freeze and make animal sounds!  
  
Ron: MOO!  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: Baa!  
  
Ann: Hey! Frozen people don't make animal noises!  
  
Ron: Why?!  
  
Ann: Because ice cream doesn't have bones.  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: HUH?  
  
Ann: Exactly. Ron what is the capital of Hibechowytioputops?  
  
Ron: I never heard of it!  
  
Ann: I never have either you ass! I just now made it up! Larry, GIMME A H!  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: H!  
  
Ann: GIMME A Y!  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: Y!  
  
Ann: Gimme a Q!  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: Q!  
  
Ann: What does it spell?  
  
Larry Bo Jackson: I DON'T KNOW!  
  
Ann: WELL, LEARN HOW TO READ!  
  
The bell rang that told us when the round was over.  
  
Ann: Now, we go into the final round, right after this commercial message. 


	7. Part VII

Weakest Link HP Style Part VII  
  
Ann: And we're back! Time to start the final round. Ron you will go first because I don't feel like remembering who what or when. Ron, who shall go first, you, or Larry Bo?  
  
Ron: Hm.. Larry.  
  
Ann: Ok, here are the rules for the final round. You each have to answer five questions, whoever answers the most wins.  
  
(OK I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S FOR SUDDEN DEATH, BUT I HAVEN'T WATCHED THE SHOW IN A WHILE)  
  
*Ron runs over to Larry and starts to hit him like a girl, and Ann runs in the middle*  
  
  
  
Ann: No fighting! No fighting!!  
  
*Ron walks back over to his seat*  
  
Ann: Stop it, you're acting like children.  
  
Larry: He started it..  
  
Ann: Shush! Now concentrate. Larry, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?  
  
*Larry stands there*   
  
Larry: Hm... 798!  
  
Ann: Not that I've ever tried, but I assume you're right. Ron, what is the capital of the United States?  
  
Ron: New York City!  
  
Ann: Wrong, Washington D.C. Larry, who invented the toilet seat?  
  
Larry: An Asian plumber. 'Cause Asian people are cool!!  
  
Ann: Yes, I know, I'm so Asian. Ron--  
  
Ron: BANK!  
  
Ann: What the hell?! You don't bank here! What is the world's largest animal?  
  
Ron: The African turkey.  
  
Ann: Wrong, I'm pretty sure it's either the ostrich or the elephant, but once you think about it--  
  
Larry: SHUT UP AND ASK ANOTHER QUESTION!  
  
Ann: Right, Larry, Who was John Jacob Jingle Hymer Schmidt?  
  
Larry: Me! 'Cause his name is my name too! & whenever I go out, the people always shout "THERE GOES LARRY BO JACKSON DUDE.. DA DA DA DA DA DA DA--"  
  
Ann: Yes! Larry Bo Jackson wins the game because there is no way that Ron can win. Larry wins.. I don't remember the amount of money. Thanks for watching!  
  
*music to Who Wants To Be A Millionaire plays*  
  
Ann: FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, I TOLD YOU, THIS IS NOT WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE!  
  
Hope you liked it!!! Please review! 


End file.
